I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
