i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
