You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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