69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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