So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize