if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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