i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
