Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
