My first STD was from a foam party
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
