I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
