Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
