I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is Oprah even human
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
