I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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