They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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