He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
