he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
