the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
