so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
