ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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