I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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