My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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