The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
