My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
