Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize