the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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