it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
