apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
