Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
