so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
