he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
