he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
