Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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