left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
