Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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