Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
