I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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