I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
