My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
