Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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