I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
