Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
