He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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