So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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