and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
