I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
