Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize