You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
