Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
