I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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