my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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