You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
