Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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