I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
