you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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