just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
