I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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