I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
