to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
