They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
