How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
