you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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