just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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