You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
