Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
