saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
