Taylor Swift is so right about you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
