I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
