This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
