Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
