its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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