dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
