She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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