did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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