come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize