Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
