half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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