Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
